Shaken.

This week is going to be different because there is a High School/College age leadership conference here, so all of our teams are under 22 ish and have different schedules than normal. On Sundays we usually go to church, have lunch, tour our other two properties Bearcy & Leveque, and end with dinner at GPP (Gwo Papa Poul { Big Daddy Chicken}<--- also know as the most delicious meal in HAITI!) Today, however, we went to church, ate lunch, and toured Port Au Prince, then went to GPP. Mission of Hope usually doesn't take groups to Port Au Prince for many reasons, including the fact that Haitians don't really like it. They don't like being seen as a photo opportunity for blancs(whites) in a big yellow bus, and I don't blame them! But, somehow it got worked out to be able to go on a camera-absent tour.

I was reallly excited to see the city because I haven't seen a whole lot of PAP (besides the drive from the airpot to M.O.H.) since December 2009 (before the earthquake). I wasn't sure what to expect, but in not having expectations I didn't try prepare myself for the sights I would see.. and oh I wish I did.

It was overwhelming. the buildings fallen, the masss amount of tent cities that have turned permanent rather than temporary, the faces of the haitians who live there... everything.

I was already a bit uneasy just seeing all of this devastation, still a year and a half later.. but I was truly shaken when we stopped at what used to be the biggest catholic church in Haiti.

First of all, you could tell this church was beautiful before most of it crumbled! It was so big and just cool to see. Secondly, before I tell you this story know that we did NOT get off the bus at any point in time in PAP. Too unsafe.

Okay, so we stopped off so Reuben (a Haitian who works for Mission of Hope [He went to school in PAP and survived the earthquake in a crumbled building!], and was giving us the tour) could tell us a little about that area... as we were on the bus a woman who was sitting outside the church, grabbed her baby and came over to the window outside our bus and smiled real big acting friendly and asking for money for her baby... then a man came up behind her and was motioning/saying "don't give her money, she'll use it for cocaine, not her baby"... once the woman realized he was doing that, she flung her baby at the man trying to hit him with the child and then he started to literally wale  on her with his fists. The baby went flying into another adults arms, hardly being caught, and the man and woman just beat each other with the fiercest looks of desperation. I had to look away because I could not handle watching that go on 5ft away from me, and soon enough the bus driver pulled away.. I just sat in my seat crying and wondering what in the world I had just witnessed.

This woman so desperate for money, using her baby to try to support her addiction, or maybe she really was trying to get money for her baby.. maybe it was the man lieing.. either way, once she knew what the man was ruining her chance to get money, her face changed and I could not have imagined severe desperation looking any other way. My heart is scarred by this sight....  my heart looks like her desperation.

I was reminded today just how badly I want Jesus to come back. I want HIS Kingdom to come. I want redemption brought to Haiti. Jesus, I want You.

In wanting that I am also reminded of how THANKFUL I am for Mission of Hope, the Vision and Mission of this organization.

Vision

As an organization following Jesus Christ, we exist to bring life transformation to every man, woman, and child in Haiti.

Mission

           Our mission is to fulfill our Vision, in every endeavor we undertake by successfully executing

            the following five core resolutions:

1. Relational Proclamation: Intentionally modeling Christ’s love through relationships.
2. Evangelistic Saturation: Repeatedly sharing the Gospel message in targeted geographies.
3. Indigenous Mobilization: Strategically developing national leaders to carry the vision to the nation.
4. Holistic Transformation: Continuously pursuing God’s physical, mental, social and spiritual destiny for every man, woman and child.
5. Excellent Implementation: Responsibly utilizing all resources and talents to their fullest potential for God’s glory.

Thank You Jesus, for blessing me and letting me work for this Organization this summer.

G'narley Yall

As you may know, I am at Mission of Hope working as a teams intern. I basically get assigned a new team every week get to know them, take them out into the villages, and tell them all about M.O.H. while answering any questions they have about Haiti or M.O.H.

So far it has been real fun! I have met some great people. (Interns, Staff, Groups, Haitians). I'm probably not supposed to have favorites.... but so far I for SURE have a favorite team... actually it's a few groups of people that got randomly placed together and formed into the best mix of people.
What do you get when you mix 6 guys from Malibu, CA, 2 sisters from Monroe, LA, and 1 man from Orlando??... "Gnarly Yall!"

This group was ridiculous... in a fantastic way! The southern accents and the surfer lingo made for delightful conversations. I was laughing the majority of my time with them.. the non-laugh-attack moments were sweet friendship building moments or ones of deep, real, raw reflection on the happenings of the day.

I feel so BLESSED to have been apart of this group!

Since being here, I've been trying to see Haiti as my home for the summer and have slowly become more and more num to the brokenness and poverty of this country.. I started to see it more as a spectacle than real life for people. The "Gnarly Yall"'s group reflections reminded me that this place and these people are not just here for us to go observe every week... this is their HOME and their REAL lives.

It was cool to hear the groups hearts as they struggled with how we can realllly HELP Haiti.
Also, the interns (and all MOH staff) are reading a book called 'When Helping Hurts' and MAN, it is blowing my mind. EVERYONE should read it... serriously, go buy it. Now.

This group and reading When Helping Hurts have reminded me that I (all of us!) can NOT offer Haiti ANYTHING of our own that is of worth. The bracelets, crafts, and soccer balls are gifts that can bring some happiness for SURE (I mean seriously, these boys LOVE soccer, a LOT!) but those are not usually going to be the gifts God uses to transform Haiti as a Christ centered nation.

All that to say, the work God is doing through Mission of Hope and the Church is incredible. M.O.H. is encouraging the CHURCH to BE the CHURCH! North Americans aren't allowed to pass out anything while they are here, ALL donations are passed out through the church. Who knows Haitians needs best? North Americans?.. NO. Haitians?.. YES!

The Gospel isn't that some countries have it together and should teach others how to live. The GOSPEL is that we are ALL broken. Whether you're American, Haitian, Indian, Eskimo, Icelandic... you ARE broken and in need of Jesus, whether it is in similar ways or different. We can not love and care for Haitians, until we realized we have been loved and cared for by Jesus. We can not begin to act like the Good Samaritan until we believe that Jesus was THE good Samaritan who cared for the one He wasn't supposed to, the broken, beat up, bruised, enemy... ME. (Luke 10:25-37)

We are not the reconcilers, restorers, or redemption bringers.
Jesus IS.

I don't want to become num to Haiti's brokenness because I am Haiti. If I become num to Haiti's brokenness, I become num to my own. If I become num to my own, I loose sight of Jesus, light, truth, and HOPE. To see that light, truth, and hope, I need to see the darkness, lies, and brokenness that Jesus is redeeming Haiti & I from.

Pray that I see mine & Haiti's brokenness daily, and in that brokenness I see Jesus. In seeing Jesus, I hope I can love Haitians out of the overflow of love He has poured out on Me!

BABES.

Okay. Can we just talk about the lil babes of the day yesterday?

First, we pulled up to M.O.H.'s property in Haiti called Bearcy {where they have plans to build another school, another orphanage, an elderly home, a family missions resort, and an agricultural school... coool huh?!?} and were greeted by many children who proceeded to strip of their clothing and run and play in the ocean a few feet away.. as mostly boys tackled and swam, this CUTE little girl came up to me and asked to have her photo taken and I got my camera ready, but she wouldn't smile!... She had this serious pose that just came across as sad. I had to tickle her with one hand and snap a photo with my other and that resulted in this precious photo and a good lil chuckle for both of us.

Then, we went to a new village, called Leveque, that M.O.H. has started building since the earthquake that will house 500 families who survived the earthquake.{each family gets its own plot of land in order to grow food!} At this property the children SWARM!!!!... and we LOVE it! This precious lil babe ran up to me..  she ran up naked, smiling, and arms in the air! Of course, I picked her up... then realizing she is a baby... without a diaper... crap. (literally). I tried to put her down but she started crying and truth is she was just tooooo CUTE to not be held. So, I came to terms with the fact that I would have some poop on my shirt where I held her, but it was so worth it to snuggle with that precious babe!... seriously.... look at that FACE!

What a picture of Jesus and Me.. I am a mess, not as cute of a mess as the babe in the photo... but a real big mess... yet Jesus, (without reluctance) picks me up and holds me. He holds me in my mess. He enters my mess and makes it His. He is healing me from my mess through my mess.

Oh, how I am loved.

Rainy.. Cold.. Breezy.... in Haiti??

Caution: I feel scattered and all over... I want to say so much!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! So please ignore my unfinished thoughts or sentences!

Haiti this time around has been different. (NOT in a bad way!)

First of all, when we stepped out of the Port Au Prince airport it was rainy, getting dark.. and cold! (Cold is never a word used to describe Haiti) Already having that gloomy-ish “I just wanna curl up and watch a movie or nap” feeling because of the weather, when I saw the children without clothes on the streets outside the airport asking for money & food.. the chaoticness of PAP.. that smell of burning trash.. the tent cities.. everything, I was just hit with real, deep sadness.... and how unprepared my heart was to see all of that again. I was so caught up in support raising and praying for money to come through that I kind of forgot about where it was that I was going. I forgot about the deep brokenness of Haiti, the reason M.O.H. is here, the reason I am here,we're here so God can bring redemption to His people. Not that he needs us in anyway shape or form, but just the sweet fact that He cares enough about us to let us KNOW Him. One way He chooses to do that is to let us participate in advancing the Kingdom. We get to experience His love & grace in a tangible way, and know that we need our provider daily.

^{Isaiah 43:10} 
"You are my witnesses," declares the LORD,
   "and my servant whom I have chosen,
that you may know and believe me
   and understand that I am he.
Before me no god was formed,
   nor shall there be any after me.

On the bus ride from the airport to Mission of Hope's compound I just tried to take it all in and pray that Jesus would prepare my heart for this summer. As soon as we pulled into M.O.H. I saw the new team building and the new patio/kitchen and I was just amazed at the changes from last summer to now. Suuuuper encouraging for my heart to see that progress!

It feels weird being here knowing I am not leaving for 2.5 months.. which in the long run, not a long time.. as of today being two days into that time... seems like a long while... But in that I am so excited to be able to have that long while to build relationships. and after meeting all the staff and seeing the properties I just feel so blessed to be HERE. In Haiti. At M.O.H. With these people. Being loved on, and loving on others.

Speaking of people, I love all the other interns!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! There are 12 of us here (3 more coming) and we have been doing so many team building games that the bonding as been sped up... realllllllllllly fast! We have only been here two days but it feels like longer. (in a good way!)

I can not wait to see the ways Jesus stretches, grows, breaks, comforts, heals, and guides me this summer... reminding me of my need for Him.

P.S.... can I just say I got to hold the CUTEST orphan boy Pierre for a bit today and his smile made my heart skip a beat! (stole this photo from my friend Abby!)